The stores are decorated in candy hearts, flowers and bears. Every TV or
radio commercial reminds you that it's time to remember your sweetheart on
this special day for lovers. Your feelings range from sadness, to revulsion
to anger. What's a single person to do? The following suggestions are
designed to both answer that question and to help you have a good day after
all, while working to make it your last solo one.

1. Celebrate the day by planning an activity that is meaningful and
enjoyable to you. Choose something that provides you with a special treat. Go
to a day spa for "the works", plan an intimate dinner for 3 or 4, go
ice-skating or to the movies with a fun friend, or go out to dinner and a
movie with a group of other singles. Focus on what you enjoy and make a
conscious decision about how to mark the day. Un-Valentines Day parties are
very popular and can be a lot of silly fun. You can attend one or throw one
of your own.

2. Design a relationship-building plan for 2003.
Let the holiday provide you with the motivation to take risks, try new ideas
and gain the knowledge that will enable you to find and create a lasting,
intimate relationship.

* Sit down at the computer or with pen and paper in hand and get your plan
written down.
* Begin by making a list of resources that can be used to help you meet
available singles. These can include: on-line dating sites, singles groups,
volunteer activities, or participation in sports or other activities that you
enjoy.
* Decide when and how often you will participate in any activity you have
chosen. *Make a budget for both time and available funds for this purpose.
* Do your homework and research each resource so the information will be
available when you need it.

3. Review those resolutions you made, or make some if you haven't yet.
Think about what is really important to you. Remind yourself that
implementing and sticking to these will help ensure that you are really ready
for that special relationship. Being the kind of person you want to be with
is the first step.
Begin with concrete goals. For example: stick with a healthy diet, exercise
three times a week, plan one organizational task per week, etc.
Taking care of yourself and living well, will optimize your chances for
relationship success. Start today.

4. Work to eliminate negative thinking.
When a negative thought comes into your mind, take a moment to think about
what is beneath it. Then, tell yourself that thinking this way is not good
for you. Make a decision to drop the thought and try to think of something
(anything) that is positive. It can be as simple as focusing on what a
beautiful day it is outside, to feeling grateful that you survived the
current wave of lay-offs in your company.
Use this technique for situations as well. Ask yourself how you can view the
situation differently. Try to find one positive angle or outcome that could
result from an otherwise bad situation. For example, you are being laid off
from your job. You have been unhappy for a long time, but could not motivate
yourself to do anything about it. Now, you have the motivation to look for a
new job, or perhaps change careers. Think of all the possibilities that could
open up for you.

Negative thinking is a downward spiral that leads to negative behavior and
possibly depression. Consciously choose to challenge these thoughts, and
empower yourself with a more positive outlook and approach to life.

Hopefully these tips will assist you in having a better "solo" Valentine's
Day than you might have been headed for. Enjoy the day by doing something
fun. Then focus on your relationship plan and empower yourself to build the
healthy, lasting relationship of your dreams.

Toni Coleman, LCSW
Helping Singles Find Lasting Love
www.consum-mate.com

About the Author

Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in private practice. She specializes in working with singles that want to create lasting, intimate relationships. She developed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships Training, a tele-workshop designed to help singles to define, implement and fulfill their relationship goals. She has also written numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating.